Sometimes
by Cereus
Summary: A duet drabble on the thoughts of Luke and Vader of each other. FatherSon relationship.
1. Luke

Sometimes

Part One

Luke:

Sometimes wasn't such a bad word. It was flexible- even whimsical. Yet despite its graceful disposition, it held such finality to it. People have said that he had a dreamer's mind but they never knew the deeper thoughts that went on…the silence at nights when he just had one word on his mind.

Sometimes.

As a bored child growing up on Tatooine he would sometimes dream about his then mysterious father who flew a spice freighter to different worlds across the galaxy. He felt such pride back them. Sometimes he would even tell his friends in primary school of made up stories of his dead father's adventures across the stars. Yet those were sometimes because if he told them all the time then they would have spotted them for lies.

They were words of a sorrowful, weathered orphan who didn't really reveal that side of himself to the general public, preferring to hide behind his smiles. People have commented many a time of his resilience to pain- mental or physical.

Ever the eternal optimist.

Over the years that story changed, twisted and vanished altogether. Until he nearly forgot it with all of Uncle Owen's insistence that he stay on the farm to help. Yet thinking back on it he sometimes wondered that if he had been a little more compliant then he wouldn't have gone through all the things he had gone through…There was so much regret, so much emotional and physical pain.

Yet he wouldn't…couldn't trade it for the whole galaxy.

Then sometimes that voice whispered on the bleaker nights when his eternal optimism took a brief holiday.

So he continued to follow his ignorance until Ben showed up at his relatives' deaths with one version of the truth of his father the Jedi Knight of honor and power. The self same feeling of pride blossomed in his chest at hearing the fact that his father had been a well loved and respected man. A Jedi! Who would have thought! Full of illusions, his youthful passions rekindled he jumped into his destiny with some ignorance born from ignoring the past.

He fought with the mantra, 'my father was a Jedi' over and over again as if it were some kind of talisman to keep his doubts, his fears at bay. It was as balm to his soul…

Yet sometimes he had faltered at the sound of Darth Vader who had betrayed and murdered his father.

Could he have the strength; the courage to do what his father couldn't accomplish?

Years went by and the sometimes came back with a full force. Sometimes he wished…sometimes he hoped…sometimes he felt. It continued in a cycle that followed him around and around, gnawing, soothing and whispering to him. That single word.

Sometimes.

The years it turned out had washed away Anakin Skywalker the pilot to Anakin Skywalker the Jedi Knight who was also the best pilot in the galaxy. Yet even more so on that fateful day on Bespin high above the luminous clouds stained with peach and gold, in that dark, cold room he had learned that all of his sometimes in the past had shattered with the one glaring truth.

Darth Vader was his father.

His father.

A machine that the entire Galaxy feared and hated.

Yet…yet…somehow a sliver of that sometimes remained amidst all the shattered mess.

Sometimes simply was no longer enough for him.

He had wondered about his father sometimes…but with that revelation, that final closure, he knew that sometimes had to become all the time.

Yes.

All the time.


	2. Vader

Sometimes

Part Two

Vader:

Sometimes he wondered in the darkest hours of the night of what could have been- what should have been. Though he didn't wish to think of the present that never happened he still could get the sometimes of it out of his mind. Staring out at the pitch black of space littered with stars he dwelt on the rare indulgences, the rare cases when he wasn't Vader but someone long buried and thought dead.

Or was it slumber?

He couldn't tell the difference.

Sometimes that small part of him moved, came back to life.

What if…what if he never turned to the Dark Side? Would he still have his angel that he killed? Would he have his child? His precious child lost to at her death.

So many what if's- what could have been in those moments of sometimes.

Yet in spite of everything that happened he sometimes felt small ripples in the Force. It was distant and perhaps an echo of a star's death or a planet's birth but something about it remained constant to a certain degree in spite of its distance and vague origins. It was warmth that penetrated the cold constantly creeping through his soul, piercing his anger, bringing a sort of relief and confusion with it.

Something so small yet so utterly vital.

He couldn't put words to it.

As sudden as it would be there it would be lost then tentatively reappear with its intoxicating warmth. It was a Light trait however one never paid attention to he fact that the Dark could be attracted to the Light as it was attracted to the Dark. Skating on the edge gave him a forbidden trill of thrill at the thought of being caught- of being pushed to his limits.

A small part of him wondered if his child would have the same effect on him before ruthlessly putting the thought aside though he felt warm bursts from that elusive area somewhere out there in the galaxy. Even more surprising was that his master never found out.

Years went by and he sometimes entertained thoughts on finding about the elusive presence that winked in and out. However he never followed through and that warm presence slowly waned away. It left him scrambling, groping, trying to find out the elusive presence that barely touched the Force and then pulled away.

Yet they became more infrequent to the point where he nearly believed that it was all in his mind. A mind that played cruel tricks on him. He wanted that warmth in spite of the coldness that he willingly dwelled in. It was a contradiction, a taboo against all that he now stood for serving the Emperor.

Even so…even so he secretly craved for it.

It came as a surprise when he finally found the source of the quiet ripples in the Force in the form of a boy no older than nineteen and no taller than average height. A boy so obviously from Tatooine crying out in despair over Obi-Wan's death.

A boy who could have passed as the old man's son.

Yet, in spite of the vaguely similar looks something about the boy's presence whispered familiarity…much like Padme's soul. Before he could grasp on the elusive mystery the boy once again vanished, leaving him cold once again and burning in desire of hot pursuit to unlock the answers to his questions.

That chance came on Bespin.

By then he had learned of the boy's identity.

His son…

The one he thought about sometimes at the depths of night, in the darkness of space and while typing away reports.

The phantom child that could have been, would have been made flesh and whole.

A child that looked so much like himself but had his mother's personality.

Those moments of sometimes had become real and he could almost touch his son to only have him slip away for a second time.

The disappearing acts left him wounded ever time and he knew that those moments of sometimes had to become all the time. He wanted to be near his son, to talk with him to be there for him- to atone for his sins.

Yes to atone for his sins.

For Luke's sake, Padme's, Leia's and his own.

Now after so many long years in the cold with the thoughts of sometimes that had constantly plagued him, haunted him, he now could rest in the realm of the all the time.

All the time.

Author's Note: Okay. Here's the end to Sometimes a duet drabble between Luke and Vader. Thanks for reading. Please check my profile to see anymore upcoming fics that might catch your interest. Reviews are warmly welcome.


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